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There is something about his hair that makes me want to scoop him up and eat him for breakfast.  That perfect haystack-blonde color…the little curls around his ears…the old-man hairline…the waves that show up any time it's humid outside (practically every day).  As I was pushing him in the stroller yesterday I was admiring his sweet, beautiful head and decided I needed to capture it.  I want to remember how it looked.

Sidenote:  His brothers both had the exact same color of hair and same curls at this age…but there's grew more at the neckline.  So they had haircuts at 15 months.  His grow more on top, so he probably won't see his first haircut until he's two.

This is for those of you who are needing a "Samuel fix".

It's a little harder capturing photos of him because he's "over it" when I bring out my camera.  "Yea – seen that thing before, not gonna perform, thanks".  But, every once in a while, I'll catch the genuine stuff – usually when he's laughing or grinning.

He LOVES to take showers.  Derek got him started on that because he thinks it's faster and easier to throw all three boys in the shower.  All you have to do is say the word and he runs to our bathroom and points at the shower door.  And, according to some sick Smith ritual, all the boys in the house have to weigh themselves before getting in the shower (thankfully I am excluded from having to participate).  And Samuel is no exception…he knows the routine!

I have realized the last couple of weeks that it is going to take effort and planning on my part to make sure I do fun things with Samuel.  He's always just tagged along as we did things with the other boys.  With them in school, I find myself having to think about playing and doing things with him.  It sounds pathetic, I realize, but I think it is the natural plight of the third child.  Plus, he's finally at the age where he needs and demands fun things.  Today I took him to the park.  It was cloudy and SO humid, but we had fun playing.

He's looking for me.

Did you know you can learn languages at the playground?

And then back home to have lunch with Derek…

We have a theme with Jacob – it is "self control".  We talk to him about self control all the time.  Controlling his body, his emotions, his tongue.  It's just one of his weaknesses, and we are continually trying to help him with it.

On Monday, while partying at the Hickens, he and his buddies Andrew and Megan were playing the Wii.  All of the sudden Megan came running down the stairs saying she had lost her tooth.  Then she said "Jacob kicked me!".  Sweet thing that she is, she said it with a smile and a giggle. 

What?  He kicked you?

I look up at him and he shrugs sheepishly.  "HOW did that happen?" I asked.

"I just got a little excited," he replied.

Some kids get excited and jump up and down, my kid gets excited and kicks a girl's tooth out. 

Heaven help me!

Megan will now be getting braces because they were waiting for that last front baby tooth to come out before getting orthodontic work done.  I've started a "dental" savings plan – not for my own kids – but for others.  Although the Hicken's haven't asked for money, they probably should. :)  He did apologize profusely, for what it's worth!

All I can do at those moments is SIGH and say, "Go see your father".

For months I've thought that he would start talking at any moment.  Slowly it has become frustrating for both of us as he struggles to communicate EXACTLY what he wants and needs from us.  Although he DOES in fact communicate a great deal – with grunts and points and body language and grins and shrieks and sounds – he still isn't saying words, or consonants for that matter, and very few actual language sounds.  One day this summer after pondering on his lack of speech, I felt the Holy Ghost communicate with me a simple but strong rebuke…"why haven't you prayed about it?"  I pray about many, if not most, of my problems, concerns and worries…but it had not yet occurred to me to pray about this.  And so I did.  And felt that I should get busy and get him and me some help.  I asked my mom for help.  And she found out about a place called the Callier Center at UTD in Richardson. 

Today we went for an evaluation with a speech language pathologist and one of her Masters degree students.  We sat on the floor and they asked me questions while playing with him and observing him for 2 hours. They will write up a comprehensive report for us, but it was great for me to go and have everything I've known confirmed to me by a professional.  Her evaluation considers many factors - all of which she says he is demonstrating average to above average abilities.  He comprehends everything we say – he plays beautifully – he is smart and socially adept.  She measured him at 21 -27 months (he's 20 months yesterday) in all of the categories except for one…articulation.  In "articulation" she said he is only at a 6-12 month level.  Here's a great definition of articulation: "the adjustments and movements of speech organs involved in pronouncing a particular sound, taken as a whole."  Exactly what I thought.

She reassured me that bringing him for help was the right thing to do…it's not something that he will just develop or get better at on his own necessarily.  She did some oral tests on him and found that his tongue wasn't following cues that way it should.  His little mouth and tongue need to be taught how to form consonants and words, for whatever reason. 

So – here we go…on the hunt for a good private speech pathologist.  And he will most likely be enrolled in "small-group therapy for language emergence" program in the Spring.

I feel relieved – and thankful.  Thankful that I was gently reminded that Heavenly Father wants to help and have a say in Samuel's life.  Thankful that we're getting some help.  Thankfully that this very small inconvenience is something that we have the time and means to deal with, and thankful that it's not something "big".  Thankful for Samuel's sweet nature – his constant hugs right now, his love of books, his laughter.  Thankful to be his mom.

Sidenote: A friend of mine told me that when her son was little and was going for speech therapy, she would say to him "we're just going to help you find your voice".  I love the way that sounds!  So I use it for Samuel (and for the big boys, when they get frustrated with him) – we're just doing all we can to help him find his voice.

I love long weekends.  And this was the best kind…limited schedule, projects accomplished, time with family and friends…just the way I like it.  Here are some highlights:

 - Derek took the boys fishing TWICE

 - I started a project that has been sitting in the garage for months – I bought a flea market chair for $10 and am refinishing and reupholstering it (pics to come when it's done)

 - shelves for the boys' room stained and almost hung

 - a 6-mile family bike ride

 - hanging out with my mom (the boys showed off their summer pool skills for her)

 - a serious cleaning of my bedroom (which I call the "pit" – it's the dumping ground around here)

 - a barbecue with friends (thanks Hickens!)

Here's what Matthew (far right) is thinking in this shot:

"uhhh – Caleb, I really think you should take your hands off Megan, have you seen her dad?"

Although over the tears, I still find myself missing my two big boys during the day.  They've had a great first week and seem to really be enjoying their teachers and classes.  Caleb is being used as the errand runner for Mrs. Tennison – she's already sensed his loyal and responsible nature.  And Jacob is really appreciating all of the science and investigating they do in 3rd grade.

This morning when Caleb jumped up in to our bed for scripture study he asked, "Do I have to go again today?" and "Can Kindergarten only be 14 days?"  These first days and weeks are SO long for these little ones and early bed times have been not only necessary, but welcomed! 

I was walking by the refrigerator a couple of nights ago and saw this…

Caleb is always making me little things and putting them up all over the house.  He made this particular one sometime this summer…months ago.  But this was the first time I had REALLY noticed it and it brought tears to my eyes.  If you've ever read The Kissing Hand book you'll know why.  Just a little reminder that I am loved by a child…what could be better?

That is what Caleb exclaimed to Samuel as he heaved him up in to the recliner with him.  And then he made his best king face.  That kid cracks me up.

over the fact that Caleb’s teacher is my former neighbor.  I found this book, that I have had for years…it was a gift from Mrs. Tennison’s mom when I graduated from college.  Ann-Marie is the name of Caleb’s teacher. Amazing, isn’t it?  So ironic.

I knew this day was coming.  The tears came three weeks ago when I realized I only had three more weeks.  The tears flowed Sunday night as Derek gave the boys "father's blessings" for school.  They came again last night at 11pm, in a big way, as I went to check on him and he gave me a hug in his groggy sleepy state.  They're coming again as I type.  My baby, Caleb, started Kindergarten today. 

And I miss him.

I miss having our little conversations over lunch.  I miss him playing with Samuel.  I miss the sound of him playing upstairs for "quiet time". 

Don't get me wrong – I know he's ready.  And that this is the right place for him.  I'm thrilled with is cute and sweet teacher.  She greeted him with a hug this morning and I was so pleased.  He grinned and waved at me as he walked by in his class line, while I was standing in the library with the PTA.  He's happy and excited and more than capable of conquering this new "world". 

But our preschool days are over.  And time is moving on.  And he's growing up. 

And I miss him.

Our kind, witty, social, cutie, cutie Caleb…

I can't wait to go get the boys at 3:00 and see how their days were!  It's a good thing I have a while before missions and college…I'm going to be a mess.

Jacob started his third grade year yesterday morning.  It is no secret that his confidence took a nose-dive in 2nd grade, and we are all hoping for a great year in 3rd.  He is our worrier…especially at night.  To cope we've had him write down some of his fears and anxieties.  He sometimes writes them down and throws them downstairs for us to read on our own time (he does this after we've put him to bed).  Early on Monday morning, I found a note on the floor that read, "Have butterflies in stomach.  Not sure about school".  This makes me smile and clutch my heart at the same time…he's always been very keyed in to his emotions.  He was in great spirits on Monday morning and came home on cloud nine.  He loves his teacher, Mrs Rutter, who doesn't have a "stern voice" (this is his benchmark for "niceness").  She told him that there is a little bit of Science in every subject, which thrills him to no end.  I am so pleased that he's happy!

Our handsome, smart, talented, and charismatic Jacob…

New Shoes!