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I was reflecting on my week and was surprised by a certain theme that came to mind.  Yesterday my Grandma Haymond called and said how much she enjoyed the website.  She’s good about calling me and offering words of encouragement.  Late last spring I dragged her through Sea World with us in the heat.  She was such a trooper.  She taught me a valuable lesson that day…not to always walk in front of my children.  But to walk beside them. 

On Wednesday Caleb and I went and visited with Frances Meyer.  Mrs. Meyer has known me since birth.  She was best friends with my great-grandmother and then my grandmother.  She has watched us bury both of them and remains a special part of all of our lives.  She tells me stories about them that I never knew and loves my children as if they were her own.  I always go hoping that I can give something to her…companionship, friendship, love, etc.  But I always leave sure that I got more than she did…this time literally, candy and popcorn for the kids, lunch, stories, etc. 

Earlier in the week, Caleb spent some time with Grandma "Kake" (Kay Lawson) and we went to lunch together.  I love to hear about her life growing up on a farm.  Just five years ago, she was a stranger to us.  But with the marriage of her son and my mom, came a new great grandmother into our lives.  And what a special blessing that is to us. 

All of these women add so much to our lives in the way of wisdom, love and encouragement.  How blessed we are to have a "village" of women to help raise us up and send us flying.  My boys are so lucky to be surrounded by so many "mothers".  All of the women in our lives add something unique and special.  My mom, Nancy.  Derek’s mom, Sherry.  My step mom, Christy and her mom, Mary Nell.  My grandmother, Dorothy.  Steve’s mom, Kay.  Grandma Joan.  Frances Meyer.  Aunts.  Sisters-in-law.  Cousins.  Friends. 

What a village!

I got a phone call today telling me that a young girl that I have known as an acquaintance for about 8 years had died yesterday.  She was on her way to attend her first year at BYU.  Her brother was driving and fell asleep, rolling the car.  She was from Coppell and was turning 19 on Saturday.  It made me remember, once again, how fragile life is.  Just Sunday night she was having a birthday party with her family and playing the piano and laughing…looking forward to college. 

I remembered that I need to hug my children more and appreciate each day I have with them.  They are precious and I am not promised any amount of time with them on earth.  I am thankful for the faith that I have that we will be together again after death.  That our spirits are eternal.  That there is life beyond the grave.

Today was the beginning of something great…for Caleb and for me.  He started preschool!  And was so happy about it.  No tears.  No trepidation.  Just pure delight.  He was excited to be there, which made it easy on me and Derek. 

And then I got in the car and headed off to a chiropractic massage (a treat for me) and realized that no one was in their car seat.  No one was dictating the noise level of the music, or what music played.  I could pick any station I wanted.  No one was fighting.  No one was crying.  No one was asking for a book, a snack, or a toy.  It was just me.  Little old me, all by myself.  It was a new experience for me.  A sobering experience.  "Who am I?" I thought!  I’m Derek’s wife, Jacob and Caleb’s mom…those are wonderful things that bring me a lot of joy and a lot of satisfaction.  But there must be more than that.  Somewhere in there is a woman named Meredith.  A woman (or lady as Jacob calls me) who’s name is Meredith.  Just Meredith.  Not Mom, or Mommy, or Mer.  Although I love those names.  I’m going to take Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 8:30 to 11:10 to explore who I am.  Oh, sure, there will be some days when all I do is clean or run errands.  But every once in a while I’ll go to Barnes and Noble and just browse or sit and read.  Meredith likes books.  Maybe I’ll go for a walk or to the gym.  Meredith likes exercise.  Maybe I’ll scrapbook or cross stitch or learn how to decorate my new house.  Meredith likes those things.  I’m starting to like the sound of that…

But then at 11:10 am on Tuesday and Thursday I’ll be happy and excited to be "Mom" again.

Last night we had a church party…a chili and dessert cook-off.  I always try but never win, but last night I did…I got third place for my blueberry cheesecake bars.  I was very pleased, but tried not to show it!  Then we had a hula hoop and bubble gum blowing contest.  I entered both.  I won the hula in the 20-29 year old division (but only because I started the hoop at my shoulders!).  And tried really hard in the gum blowing, but only got 2nd in the women’s category.  There’s really no need to tell you all of this, except for the fact that I’m fascinated with my love for competition.  I love it!  There were lots of people there last night, but few who entered ALL of the competitions.  I had to be in all of them.  I love it…it thrills me!  I was ok with not winning, well, sort of.  But I just love the thrill of competing.  Derek just laughs.  I can’t stand to lose…  One night we had a Monopoly game go in to the wee hours of the night, with me accepting loans and handouts from him in an effort to keep the game going.  When we play Uno, we go to "best 5 out of 7" games, just to give me another chance.  I recently played 2-square with my brother and was so focused, I forgot it was my 3-year old’s birthday!  I ended up losing that game, but only after I put up a good fight.  What makes some of us want to be a part of the action, and others content to sit on the side lines?  Why do some of us dream of winning, while others just enjoy spectating?  I’m not sure, but I know what I’ll be doing this week…planning my dessert for next year’s cook-off.  🙂

It’s official…Jacob’s a Kindergartener!  He was up bright and early this morning, had a great breakfast and was very enthusiastic about the lunch I packed for him.  (I think he’s just excited to have a lunch box).  He proudly tied his new shoes, and we were off.  As we walked to the school in all of the traffic and people, he slowed his pace a little and I found myself dragging him along.  We found his teacher who had the kids lined up outside his class and was teaching them where to put their backpacks, folders, lunch, etc.  He’s one of about 160 Kindergarteners at the school…8 classes!  But his teacher is the team leader…Mrs. Morrison and we think she’s wonderful.  I kissed him, hugged him and looked him in the eye.  He was stoic, and serious, but confident.  He had a real "let’s get down to business" attitude.  I stood and watched off to the side for a few minutes, and he quietly said "Mom, you can go now."  So I turned the corner and cried like a baby in Derek’s arms.  Out of sight, of course.  I quickly got myself together so I could help comfort some other mom’s in the class who didn’t have their "Dereks" to cry on.  I’m good now though and me and Caleb are quietly going about our day…waiting until 3:00 when we can go get Jacob!

I’m posting tonight just to share how cute my boys are.  Here are their cute comments for the day:

Jacob – "Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to sell my art. Everyone likes it and I think they would like to buy it.  $1 for my art.  What do you think?  I’m pretty sure Nana and Pops would buy it."

Caleb – (Jacob saw a bull out in a field and remarked how big it was).  "I think that is an American Buffalo."

Are they cute or what?!

I can’t believe my baby is ready for Kindergarten.  But is he?  That’s the question ringing in my mind…or is it, am I ready?  That’s the heavier question to ask.  My heart aches at the thought of sending him for 7 hours every day.  The truth is that he’s more than ready.  He was born ready!  He loves to learn and will enjoy every minute of school, just like I did.  But I grieve for what I’m giving up.  (as usual, it’s all about me!)  I feel like we’re losing our innocence in some way.  Since he was born, the day I became a mother, I have been able to dictate the schedule…set the pace…do whatever we wanted, whenever.  We could stay in our pajamas until 10, eat whenever and wherever we wanted.  In fact, I told a friend the other day, this week will be the first time I’ve had to wake up to an alarm clock in almost 6 years.  I will miss waking to my own body clock.  I’ll miss being the biggest influence in his life.  And yet even as I say that I realize that Derek and I still will be…at least for a while.  I hope and pray that Mrs. Morrison will care about him, hug him when he’s feeling insecure or frustrated, smile at him a lot.  I hope she’ll be kind, patient, and loving.  It’s not that I’m always those things…but that’s what I hope for him, despite my own failings.  More than anything I’ll just miss him…miss his ranting and raving, his endless questions, and our in-depth discussions about fishing/sharks and other ocean inhabitants.  Tomorrow and Tuesday are his first days of Kindergarten.  They mark the beginning of many first days…but none will ever be quite like this one…the first of the first days.

For his recent birthday, Caleb got a pair of Spiderman goggles from Grandma Kake.  He was thrilled…and so was his brother.  We have yet to take them to the pool, but have found multiple uses for them already.  On Sunday night, Jacob snuck them up to his top bunk without Caleb knowing.  Before going to bed, Derek found him dreaming of Spiderman with fogged up goggles…it cracked us up.  And then yesterday I let Caleb watch a show while I worked on the computer.  I walked in and found him watching through Spiderman eyes!  Oh to be a kid again!  The boys are now fighting over who will use the goggles for Halloween.  We’ll tackle that issue when we get to it, boys.