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I used to think that the longer you parent, the better you get at it.

WRONG!  The longer I parent, the harder it is.  The longer I parent, the more I realize how much I don’t know.  The longer I parent, the more I question my parenting.  The longer I parent, the more I realize I have no idea what I’m doing!

JACOB is brilliant/talented/gifted.  He is always in his head, worrying, daydreaming, planning, thinking.  He is sensitive…so sensitive.  I will NEVER know if he is really sick, because he might be faking, forcing himself to be sick, or really, truly sick.  He’s THAT kind of kid.  He is good at so many things.  Helping him choose the ones that will be most meaningful for him is our latest challenge.  He is also OBSESSED with fishing right now.  Bass Masters here we come.  He was accepted into the gifted/talented program at school.  I have to tell you I am relieved about that.  Because a) it acknowledges what we already know, and b) it gives him one more ally (teacher) on his side helping him be who he is meant to be, and helping him interpret all of the things running around in that beautiful head of his.

CALEB is witty/charming/fun.  He has a great sense of humor.  He is smart.  He is kind and helpful and very practical.  He’s easy to be around.  But he is struggling to find his "place" in our family.  He has been wanting to make me jewelry with some of his treasures (things he finds all over town).  So Derek helped him make me a necklace the other day.  I praised him up and down for it and then he asked, "Do you love it as much as you love baby?"   My heart sank.  I hope he’ll know that I love HIM as much as I love baby.  We’ve decided to send him to preschool for one more year, even though he could go to Kindergarten.  I know he would do fine.  But I feel like both of us are just not ready.  I hope it’s the right decision…

SAMUEL is cuddly/cute/and so fun to have around.  He’s STILL not sleeping though the night, even with all of the sleep-help books I’ve read!  I’m still up popping the binky in, re-wrapping him, and eventually feeding him every night.  And already I am realizing that he is much more interested in seeing his reflection in everyone/everything else’s eyes, than mine.  When they’re tiny they just look up at you and all they know is how they look in your eyes.  And now, already at 5 months, he’s busy looking for approval, smiles, attention from other people.  Thankfully, though, I still have moments to show him who he is and who I dream for him to be.

I love these boys!

I’m trying to follow words of advice in a new favorite song, and "hold on to every moment that you can".